La Princessa De Cerveza (The Princess of Beer)
Birthdate: The day prohibition ended in Oklahoma
Birthplace: In a backwoods brewery
Favorite Activities: Drinking Beer, Making Beer, Dancing to Willie Nelson and other drinking songs, running through fields of pretty flowers, beating up Panditas!
Favorite Pro-Wrestler: Hulk Hogan and El Castor
Arch Nemesis: La Pandita Bonita , Prohibition supporters and anyone who says they don’t enjoy beer that’s just crazy!
Why wrestling? Why not? Another chance to come out to a party! I love handing out beers to my fans and handing out beatings to those mangy Luchadoras. They call me to bubbly princess because I love to have a good time and throw back a few delicious brews.
Favorite Quote: “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
Lucha le Pew
Lucha le Pew was born in Paris, France to Mr. and Mrs. Pépé le Pew. The Le Pew’s were Exiled from Paris during the great sewer clean up of 1989. They quickly moved to Quintana Roo, Mexico where Lucha le Pew began honing in on her Luchadoring skills. In 2010 Lucha le Pew moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma to study Lucha Libre under the great El Tlaquache. Lucha le Pew speaks French, Spanish and is studying English at TCC. In her spare time she volunteers at the Tulsa Animal Shelter.
Dr. Tetanus was born to wealthy parents that paid for him to go to medical school. After graduating he found himself wondering if there was more to life than just money and power. The curiosity eventually lead to many malpractice suits when the doctor was found fighting with cadavers in the morgue. With no license and an estrangement from his family, Tetanus turned to Luchador wrestling where he can fight for what is right. Although he is a member of Los Technicos, his sadistic tendencies still appear in the form of “The Atomic Heimlich”, “The Stethoscope Choke”, and “The Lock Jaw”.
El Fenix Blanco (The White Phoenix):
After saving the last child from an orphanage engulfed in flames the heroic man was trapped in the crumbling building. There was no escape. The building burned to the ground. Days later with no trace of a body the man was thought to be dead. Unknown to the local villagers the man survived, but was left with a severely disfigured face. For fear of being ridiculed, he ran away deep into the forest until his legs could no longer run and eventually collapsed to the ground. That night he dreamed of his heroic feat again. The building burned and he was trapped again, but this time a large bright white bird emerged from the sky, pulled him from the ashes and carried him deep into the forest. When the man awoke in the morning he felt an incredible energy running through his veins. Almost a burning sensation. He ran down to the nearby lake to cool down. When he knelt down to splash water on his face he noticed his reflection in the water. His face was no longer disfigured! “How could this be?”, he thought. “The dream must have been real!” It all became clear now. He was destined to do great things. The man had nearly been consumed in the flames, but was now reborn out of the ashes. The man roared, “I will bear a mask with the white bird upon it and in it’s honor I will forever be know as… El Fenix Blanco!” To this day The White Phoenix carries out good deeds and battles evil.
El Gallo Rojo Loco (The Crazy Red Rooster) Heavy Weight Belt Holder
Birthdate: January 1, 1994 (Zapatista revolution) Died 10-9-10 at Luchapalooza. He was killed by Donte El Niño
Birthplace: San Cristobal de las casas, Chipas, Mexico
Favorite Activities: A Rooster’s Mission in life is to protect and serve the flock. The Rooster enjoys mating, breeding, and roosting. El Gallo Rojo Loco is at the top of the Elote Luchador wrestling federation’s pecking order. In the ring the Rooster does what it takes to win and if that involves low blows, cock punches, and cock kicks then so be it. El Gallo Rojo Loco is the cock of the walk.
Who’s your favorite pro-wrestler: The Gallo is a combination of strength and athleticism of The Rock and the agility and high flying ability of Rey Mysterio.
Arch-Nemesis: I am a fighting cock and whoever crosses my path in the ring is my nemesis. However, as a man of principle, El Gallo Rojo Loco, is against globalization, capitalism, and corporate greed. Viva la Revolution!
El Gallo Rojo Loco was once part of the Zapatista Army of National Liberation. He was a follower of Subcomante Marcos but left after the other campaign to seek out a new cause. Who is the real El Gallo Rojo Loco and why is he wrestling at the Elote Luchador Wrestling Federation? What are his ulterior motives and goals? No one knows….except that he is a force to reckon with and whatever his objectives are he will accomplish them by all means necessary! Be afraid, be very afraid!
El Castor (The Beaver)
Member of the Woodland Creatures
Birthplace: In a dam down on the river.
Favorite Activities: Building dams, lodges, eating, swimming and enacting his revenge on Corporate Douchebags.
Arch Nemesis: The Corporate Douche
One of El Castor’s first memories is that of clumsily swimming in terror away from the smoke of the giant machines that destroyed his home, habitat, and worst of all, his beaver family. Exhausted, after swimming for what felt like weeks, El Castor looses consciousness, as well as all hope, on the bank of a foreign tributary. He wakes several days later in the care of El Tlacuache. Tlacuache explains to Castor that a corporate conglomerate has decided to deforest the Woodland area they both hold so dear to their hearts and livelihoods. From that moment on El Castor swore to find the Corporate Douchebags responsible, hell, every Corporate Douchebag, and destroy everything they love… the corporation itself!
Abuela Chaos (Grandma Chaos) Female Belt Holder
Born on April 12, 1931, in the small town of San Juan, Puerto Rico. Being the daughter of a parapalegic mobster and a blind seamstress, she had a difficult childhood and soon ventured out on her own. On the streets, with no other options, she was forced into the world of luchador wrestling. It was difficult climbing up the ranks of the Puerto Rican underground, but after many years and a few morally questionable actions, Abuela Chaos finally rose to the top. All the other luchadors regarded her with a sense of awe usually reserved for a diety. Because in fact, to them, she was a God. Abuela’s reign as top luchador lasted for many, many years until one fight agianst the nefarious El Toby. El Toby was tragically killed when a top rope snaped and decapitated him. Of course, it was just a very unfortunate accident and Abuela had absolutely nothing to do with it. At all. Really. None the less, Abuela was forced to flee to America, where she is once again working her way to the top, one questionable moral at a time.
Abuela Chaos lives with her grandaughter, and enjoys spending time with her great-grandson, drinking whiskey, and trashing the Princessa
The Grasshopper ( La Saltamontes) was born in Locust Grove,OK. Her mother was killed in the grill of a speeding truck and she watched as her father’s legs were pulled off by a teenager. Two weeks later she lost all 500 brothers and sisters to pesticides. Determined to get revenge the grasshopper traveled to Japan to learn martial arts from her uncle, the praying mantis. After 10 years she returned to Oklahoma only to be tricked by the corporation into eating nicotine laced grass. The grasshopper, now addicted to nicotine, she has her sights on her arch nemesis, Big Tobacco. Perhaps with the help of her fellow woodland creatures they can finally end the plight of persecuted insects everywhere!
Favorite food: Grass and garden fresh tomatoes
Hero: Jiminy Cricket
Favorite color: Green
Activities: Spitting up black stuff when you touch me too much
Born in the Bronx
Orphaned at an early age, his family was decapitated by the corporation for declining to join them. After the loss of his family, Castigador raised himself and became stronger and angrier as he grew. This once law abiding citizen is now on a mission to destroy those who stole his family away and will destroy anyone who gets in the way of this goal. He is a member of Tecnicos and like all Tecnicos he is out to end the evil Rudos and avenge those who have been hurt by the Corporation.
Viva Lucha Libre por Siempre y para Siempre!
Birthdate: The Southern Beaches of Mexico
Strengths: A hard shell to hide under for protection
Weaknesses: Getting stuck on her back
Over a year ago La Tortuga was taken from then southern beaches and tropical seas of Mexico to be put on display in the Oklahoma City Zoo. While the other turtles in the zoo were content with basking in the sun and bathing in the man made waters, she felt like a prisoner. One day a white phoenix flew into the zoo boasting about his triumphs as a luchador fighting the Corporation in Tulsa. He was promoting an event he called Luchapalooza. His stories sparked a flame in La Tortuga. She too wanted to take down the Corporation who kidnapped her from her tropical paradise in order to make a profit and here was her chance. At that moment she started to plan her escape. In a few weeks she had escaped her prison and started the long journey to Tulsa. A year later she finally made it here. Just in time to prepare for this year’s Luchapalooza. It was a long hard journey but she is excited to be a part of the ELWF and hopes, with a bit of practice, to make her mark as a Luchador.
Washington – US astronaut Monkey, whose jealousy in a love-triangle involving a space colleague has made headlines for weeks, Wednesday was dropped from NASA’s elite team.
The US Navy captain’s ‘detail’ as a NASA astronaut ‘has been terminated’ effective Thursday, according to a statement posted on the NASA official website.
Monkey, was charged with battery and attempted kidnapping in an Orlando, Florida, court after he attacked his rival for the affections of fellow astronaut Curious Georgia.
Serving his debt to society in a zoo, things took an ugly turn for Monkey
Monkey was the reported ringleader of “the Gang of 5.” The “5” as they were known was made up of himself, 2 particularly hardened, criminally insane monkeys, a chimp and an adult, female orangatane, he was thought of to have had a brief romance with her.
At the time of the breakout, monkey was in his 4th year at the “Alcatraz” of zoos: San Diego.
Using several well-planned ploys, the monkeys overpowered and out smarted 8 maintenance supervisors, 3 guards, and over a dozen docents at approximately 4:20am. The escape was planned during surveillance recalibrating of the electronic equipment. A panda and a beaver were suspected to have helped with “inside information” on the technical aspects. He finally made his way to Tulsa, OK, after making bail on an escape charge
Birthdate: December 28, 1974
Birthplace: Storm Lake, Iowa
After The Corporation kidnapped his Son, Tlacuachito, El Tlacuache was forced to turn against his friend El Castor and the Woodland Creatures to join the Corporation as their muscle. The Corporate Douche promised to give his son back if he worked for them. But we all know The Corporation never keeps their promises. Finally realizing this, Tlacuache took down both the Corporation and Axis of Evil after their Tag Team match on Aug. 18th and took his son back. But will the Woodland Creatures accept him after his betrayal? Stay tuned to find out!
Margarita the Meter Maid
Margarita the Meter Maid is native to New York City. She held the record for the highest grossing parking fines in the state of New York from 2001 to 2009.In 2009 the citizens of New York petitioned to have her record audited. She was found guilty of reprogramming meters to move 5 seconds too fast per minute. In 2009 she moved to Tulsa and now serves as the head Meter Maid. She specifically Targets Boston and Main where she admits she can write more tickets in a limited amount of time, to hit her quota. This allows her to spend more time sitting under a shady tree and watching professional wrestling. She likes bullying, chalking tires and ruining downtown Tulsan’s day. She disliked everything.
LEADER OF THE CORPORATION
Birthdate: October 29, 1929
The Corporate Douche was born on “Black Tuesday” one of the worst financial days in history in Des Plaines, Illinois on the spot which later became the first Corporate hamburger chain. Now he rules the world by destroying small businesses and setting up Corporate Big Box stores. He is the greatest Corporate Douche of all time. He established ” The Corporation”, Lucho Dinero (The Banker) and El Abagado (The Lawyer), together they strive to destroy the small business landscape and replace it with a more corporate America, the only thing standing in our way is El Tlacuache and his band of hippie woodland creatures.
Lucho Dinero a.k.a The Banker
Member of the Corporation
Birthdate: March 3, 1982
Birthplace: Floor of the Wall Street Exchange, NY
Favorite Activities: Counting money, increasing bank fees, finalizing corporate takeovers, and playing the market with other peoples money.
Favorite Pro-wrestler: MYSELF
Arch Nemesis: The bank regulatory commission and small rodents (El Tlacuache for starters)
Motto: Make money. Take money.
Without true Americans like Charles Ponzi and Bernnie Madoff, bankers and wall street tycoons like myself would not be where we are today. It is the goal of myself, El Abogado, and our fearless leader The Corporate Douche to ensure the all small businesses will be wiped out and replaced by more successful corporations.
El Abogado (The Lawyer):
Member of the Corporation
Birthday: June 6, 1906
Birthplace: New York, New York
I have been practicing corporate law for decades. I have helped corporations clear-cut forests, drill for oil in wildlife preserves, drain the wetlands to build shopping malls, and destroy nature around the globe. I have successfully defended corporations that have dumped toxic chemicals onto the soil and into the streams, rivers, groundwater, and air. I have helped the rich get richer and at the same time helped the poor by influencing McDonald’s to establish the Dollar Menu. I have recently been retained by “The Corporation” in order to establish their dominance in the Elote Luchador Wrestling Federation.
Motto: Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
Favorite Quote: “Never forget, everything that Hitler did in Germany was legal.”
Dante El Nino
Birthdate: August 4th 1977
Birthplace: Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic
Favorite Activities: Getting tattoos, going to church with my mother, taking things that aren’t mind, tripping strangers (children falling always makes me laugh), smoking and drinking heavily.
Favorite Pro-wrestler: Cactus Jack (Mick Foley)
Arch-Nemesis: El Gallo Rojo Loco
Known in some parts as the Dominican Dreamboat , Dante El Nîno has made his mark in the ELWF as one of the toughest fighters in the world. As a former Dominican Republic soccer player his kicks have injured many opponents. He is also capable of delivering one of the most devastating moves of all time: the Dominican Dream
La Mosca del Bar (The Bar Fly)
Middle Weight Belt Holder
Rudo! Pest! Drunk!
Current Middleweight Champion.
The Bar Fly hails from the dumpster in the alley behind Elote. He is known for getting drunk and rowdy and starting fights. Hobbies include drinking beer, drinking tequila, drinking rum, drinking vodka, drinking shots, making babies, drinking gin, beating up tecnicos, drinking whiskey, and drinking…well, anything (so long as it’s cold and alcoholic). He has been romantically linked with La Princessa De Cerveza & Gold Digger (maybe both are wearing beer goggles?).
Tag team partner: El Gallo Rojo Loco
Favorite pro wrestlers: Rowdy Roddy Piper, The Rock, Scott Hall
Arch nemesis: Fenix Blanco
Favorite quote: “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”
Least favorite quote: “Last call!”
Accomplishments: Won the Middleweight Championship from Killa-Whatt in a 2-out-of-3 falls match at Cinco De Mayo, 2011.
Theme music: “Tequila” by The Champs
– the Pesticidal Elbow
– “Fly-onic” Elbows
– Stinger Splashes
– The Bug Zapper
– Flytrap Leglock
– The Kegstand
El Heavy Metal Diablo:
Birthday: June 6, 1966
The Original sinner! Not only is El Diablo a Rudos, He is a heavy metal listening, devil worshiping/frankly is the devil, mean luchador. Don’t mess with devil!
Weaknesses: Easily distracted by bright, shiny things…like diamonds
Strengths: I have too many ASSets to list here.
Activities: Experience has made me rich, but I like flying first class, champagne, getting married, beluga caviar, sailing, getting divorced, rare books, being condescending, getting married, foie gras, air kisses, getting divorced, money, and laying the smackdown on those weak tecnicos luchadoras! You know who you are.
Nemesis: Anyone who tries to keep me from climbing the corp. ladder. Corp America=filthy rich execs.=more alimony for the Gold Digger.
Favorite wrestler: Sensational Sherri Martel.
I AM GODZILLA! YOU ARE JAPAN!
Birth place: Tobacco plantation in Virginia
Favorite Activities: Smoking cigarettes and cigars, taking helicopter rides over my tobacco crops, negating all the surgeon general’s claims against tobacco, clearing forests to plant more tobacco, baiting and destroying pests that eat my crops
BIO: As a young girl, I was in love with Dr. Luther L. Terry, the surgeon general from 1961-1965. We were planning on marrying until the fateful day he released the warning to the American public that tobacco use is bad for their health. Since then, I have sworn off love and become married to my work; growing the largest tobacco conglomerate in the world and destroying the disgusting little creatures that threaten the health of my crops. With the power on the Corporation on my side, nothing will stop me from making sure everyone in the world uses tobacco products!
Arch Nemesis: The Grasshopper
Birth place: In the underground tunnels of the Tulsa Deco District.
Weaknesses: None that we know of…
Strengths: A Venomous bite which can cause excruciating pain and symptoms such as chills, vomiting, difficulty in respiration, profuse perspiration, delirium, partial paralysis, violent abdominal cramps, pains, and spasms.
Activities: Seducing rich men into marrying her, then killing them and keeping all their money. Building strong webs to capture her prey such as grasshoppers and other helpless victims.
Nemesis: The Grasshopper, The Gold Digger or anyone who gets in her way of taking as much money as she can from her deceased husbands.
Born in the abandoned underground tunnels of the Deco District, the Black Widow has become very rich through her many deceased husbands. She is extremely beautiful, smart and manages her money wisely. She trusts no one! She may be the most dangerous Rudos in the ELWF. Corporate tycoons such as the Corporate Douche should be very careful when dealing with this deadly beauty.
Born: Parts Unknown
Hailing from Slytherin House
Height: 6’ when not levitating
Abra Cadaver studied at the prestigious Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and was named head boy of Slytherin house. He has been among the premiere magicians in the world since graduating. Name a magic trick and Cadaver has probably done it blindfolded, backwards, and underwater. He dabbles in the dark arts and can talk to ghosts. After accomplishing everything he could in the world of magic he turned his attention to wrestling. His presence in the Elote Wrestling is a sign of darker times for all the wrestlers as he has vowed to make his opponents disappear.
Favorite Activities: Levitating, pulling rabbits out of things, and casting new beautiful assistants.
Role Models: Merlin, Harry Houdini
Arch nemesis: People who don’t believe in magic
Favorite quote: We should be able to put those two halves back together.
Accomplishments: Chris Angel uses him as a reference for jobs. Told Siegfried and Roy they’d make a good team. Is the third member of Penn & Teller.
Theme music: “The Final Countdown” by Europe
– Around the World spears
– Hands of Fate
– The Prestige
– Lion Tamer
The Corporate Leaders: Corporate Douche, Lucho Dinero & Big Tobacco
Tag Team Champions, these money grubbing individuals will stop at nothing to get what they want. They are the most feared and most hated luchadors in the ELWF but they are the force to be reckoned with.
Stars & Stripes:
Representing the best country in the world, twins Stars and Stripes were mixed in a test tube on Memorial Day from the DNA of American Heroes such as George Washington, Teddy Roosevelt, Rocky Balboa, Chuck Norris and little bit of Bo Jackson. Born on the 4th of July, they were raised on Pure Beef Hot Dogs, Freedom Fries, and Apple Pie and conditioned to be fighting machines in the American Guerrilla Strike Force (AGSF). Their faces are scarred from the many battles they have fought for America so they wear their masks at all times. Since their honorable discharged from AGSF, after the slaughter of Osama Bin Laden, their activities now include winning Luchador fights, rigging World Cups, Disposing of Nuclear Waste and Noodling.
Axis of Evil: El Heavy Metal Diablo & Dante El Nino
From the depths of Hell emerges a force so evil that it could crush and corrupt even the purest of souls. These two monstrous men join forces to destroy whatever and whomever crosses their path.
Whiskey Dick: El Gallo Rojo Loco & The Bar Fly
The Green Team: The Grasshopper & La Tortuga
The Woodland Leaders: El Castor & Wolverine
ICU: Dr. Tetanus & Gurce
Tag Team Belt Holder
After losing his Vegas boxing announcing license for scandalous fighter payouts and rigging, Hot Carl was chased out of Vegas due also to an outstanding debt at the Bunny Ranch. He found his way to the deco district and can now be found preying upon the Luchadors at Elote Cafe & Catering.
Job: Back Up Announcer, Roadie, SuperFan
Frida has been demasked by her arch nemesis, Anaconda, revealing her true identity and bringing shame upon her name. She has been banned from the ELWF.
Full name: El León Feroz (The Ferocious Lion)
Birthday: 5th day of Oladalu (The hot, dry sunny month in the Maasai calendar) in the year of the great flood.
Birthplace: Isiolo, Kenya
El Leon was demasked at the 2011 Luchapalooza by El Castigador. He ran away like a scared little kitty cat, never to be allowed to wrestle for ELWF again.
Retired or MIA
Full Name: La Pandita Bonita (The beautiful Panda)
Birthplace: Tulsa, OK (illegal immigrant from Japan, but don’t tell anyone). I was smuggled here by individuals wishing to raise a new breed of pandas, aggressive pandas. I was taught to go beyond my nature habits of noshing and sleeping and expel my anger through the great art of wrestling. I will conquer all.
Favorite Movies: The Rocky Series and Clint Eastwood Flicks
Favorite Activities: Eating Bamboo, Sleeping, Cleaning my fur, Eating Bamboo, Beating girls to the ground, Showing people that you don’t mess with a panda, Riding bicycles around downtown Tulsa (with a helmet of course), Knitting- yes pandas can knit, did I mention eating bamboo?
Who’s your favorite pro-wrestler: Gorgeous George
Arch Nemesis: The bubbly princess a.k.a La Princessa de Cerveza.
Etc: Don’t mess with a panda.
Birthdate: Half a millennium ago
Birth place: Tenochtitlan (now Mexico City)
Strengths: My strength, agility, and endurance
Weaknesses: Small, enclosed spaces
After being defeated by a mere turtle at the 2011 Luchapalooza the Aztec Warrior has gone missing. We can only assume that she was sacrificed to the gods (or returned to the mystical cage for eternity) for her disgrace to the Aztec people.
Birthdate: May 5, 1978
Birthplace: A small village named, Ampere
Killa-whatt and his fellow villagers were suffering oppression at the hand of the evil baron, when a group of resistance fighters emerged from the villagers to take down this evil baron and recue the village. After the small force was nearly defeated, a strong electric current shocked the villagers and the baron, defeating the baron and allowing the villagers to re-take control of their friendly village. Killa-Whatt was praised as the savior of his people.
Is he a man or a force of nature? No one knows, for his true being is as mysterious as his immense power.
Fearful of his growing power, The Corporation forced Killa-Watt into retirement only a month before Luchapalooza.
The revolutionary She Guevara has been missing ever since she last rallied against the corporation and a bomb went off. Speculations have been made on the corporations involvement in the bombing. Previously, she spent 10 years of her life working for The Corporation. Realizing they had built an empire through sucking the souls of good people she finally snapped and after much struggle freed herself from the oppression of The Corporation and the dreaded Golden Handcuffs. She had been a symbol of freedom. We are not yet sure whether she was killed in the bombing or has gone into hiding but she is missed amongst her fellow revolutionaries who are trying to take down The Corporation.
Be free. Viva la revolucion!!!!
Full Name: Anaconda
Anaconda was born deep in the jungles of South America. She spent her youth lurking on river banks, preying on helpless goats and ponies that had wandered a little to far away from home. However, Anaconda soon came to realize that her primal desire to crush and destroy could not be sustained by four-legged creatures. She hungered for human flesh, and decided to set out for America, where she has heard there was quite abundance.
*The Anaconda has mysteriously disappeared. We fear poachers may have captured her to use her skin to make snake skin boots.*